just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
