Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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