Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
