margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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