I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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