It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
