Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Randomize
