can u get pink eye on your cock?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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