So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
