Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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