Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
