talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
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