I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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