I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
