it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
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You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
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I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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