I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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