i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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