She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
