I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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