I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize