Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
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Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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