i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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