This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
