ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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