I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
