He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
