yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
