only if we run a train.
done.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
