she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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