yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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