the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
