I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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