I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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