I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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