I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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