Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Randomize
