Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
