My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Randomize
