yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
