You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
