Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
