don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
