Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
