when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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