I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
