we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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