If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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