He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
