Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
