We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
