I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
