people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
