If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
