don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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