I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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