my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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