dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
