I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
