so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
