Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
He has the fingertips of a God
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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