I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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