His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
