kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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