I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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