So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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