Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
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Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
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It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
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