God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
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He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
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I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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