i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I skipped work to stalk him.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
