What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
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How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
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I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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