The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
