if you like me you must not know who I am
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
