I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
