Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
